It Falls Like Rain
by Diana Prallon
Summary: When it begins to fall apart, it is easy and light as the first drops of rain. United State of Multifandom Project.


**It Falls Like Rain**

When it begins to fall apart, it is easy and light as the first drops of rain. Gwen doesn't really notice at first, she thinks everything is well and that Morgana is being even sweeter than usual. It's only much later, looking back, that she sees the signs of jealousy and fear. Her eyes are still kind, and her hands still caress Gwen lightly, but there's something missing.

Morgana used to touch her as if she knew Gwen would never leave her, but now it is as a long goodbye, and Gwen can't see it. It just makes Morgana hurt even more, for she is sure that she has lost already. She's waiting for the moment that Merlin will come and claim Gwen as his.

The first thunder takes a while, and it comes after a sure lightning strikes Gwen's father. Morgana is hurt, and she is sure it is her fault, and she fights for Gwen, she fights against Uther, against everything, against the world that can treat such a wonderful person in such a hard way, but Gwen doesn't see it like that. She thinks Morgana is being cruel and playing at being God, and it is one of the rare times they do argue. Gwen hates that her misfortune has pushed Morgana this far, but she is sure that it will eventually be alright.

But Gwen was wrong about that too, for thunders can only mean that the rain will become stronger. It starts to become a storm as Arthur's mouth touches Gwen's and she is unsure of what to do. She still loves Morgana, but Arthur is now much as Morgana was before, when she wasn't looking for revenge. A part of Gwen begins to long for Arthur, or for those long lost summer days, and he never even once imagines it isn't because of himself.

When Morgana first understands that she has magic, she wants to be around Gwen, to be comforted, to feel safe as she used to feel between her arms, but she just can't. She can't stop worrying that she will burst something into flames and hurt Gwen, she can't share the secret for she can't risk such a precious life. Sure enough, soon Gwen shows that she is willing to risk herself for Morgana, and her resolve not to tell her becomes even stronger. The rain falls so hard that they can barely see each other now.

It falls hard and for a long time between them, everything being undone by love itself, that forbids them to be too honest, in order to protect their beloved. Gwen can't tell Morgana about Arthur's feelings, not without confessing how it came to pass. Morgana can't tell Gwen about her powers, not without endangering her. They both fear how the other will react, and how the other will behave, and if Uther ever suspects, they are all doomed. The secrets become a flood between them, pushing them apart. They can no longer cross the water.

There are still caresses, and kind words, and a love that will never be undone, but it keeps them apart instead of keeping them together. They fight to deal with those things without involving each other, and it pushes them even further. Soon, their intimacy begins to sink underneath the heavy water.

Gwen misses Morgana each and every day during the year that she is away, and Morgana thinks about her just as often. She dreams of the day when she will be able to say it all to Gwen, to ask for forgiveness, to take her by the hand and into the throne room, not a secret, but a love that she is proud to show. Gwen just prays for her safety, and wishes that she is found.

When she comes back, everything becomes even harder. Morgana needs to lie and pretend all the time, even if she isn't pretending when she shows Gwen how much she cares, but the space between them is ever growing bigger. And when Morgana finds out that it is Arthur and not Merlin that is trying to lure Gwen away, her resolve becomes even harsher. She doesn't want to merely keep them apart, but also to get Gwen back, and she is willing to try any and everything if it means Gwen and she will be able to be together again. By the time Morgana is crowned, their love is drowned into sorrow, revenge and hard feelings. Uther lies locked in his cell, and both have to learn to do the same with their love quickly, for it can't be shown to someone that has betrayed you like that.

It is a love that drowns but never dies, its roots rooting into the water of lies, and like the rain, it never stops falling, not even when it hits the ground, sinking even lower and deeper, into the core of who they are. It is bitter, and painful, and hard, but it _is_ love and it never goes away.

And, lost in those salty waters, they fight to stay alive, despite the love that broke them apart, because of the love that once kept them whole.


End file.
